Wednesday, February 16, 2005

If You Think You’re Smart Don’t Read This

Why do smart people talk like Harvard educated robots? Ok, so not all smart people, not even the majority, but some people do. They have their own words, sometimes I even think language. It always seems like they are just saying these words to prove their intelligence. If they’re so smart, why do they need to prove anything to us dumb people?
I had this guy (computer guy) ask me what my Telnet was today. I was like, Telnet? Come on! Who says Telnet? It’s called a phone number. Telnet… Phone Number... it really isn’t that much harder to say. If you’re a regular person, it's ‘Phone Number’ if you’re 14 and in school covered with zits and hitting on a girl, it's ‘Digits’. I want to know who really thought it was necessary to come up with another term so computer geeks could sound geekier… (Geekier? I’m not sure that's a word).

You will notice a lot of this wordiness/self-promotion happening at staff meeting when the boss asks ‘What are you guys working on this week?’ Sure enough some guy stands up and says ‘Well I have been working on the latest drops of the Firmware and Software to make sure they can cohabitate and compile correctly, and by that, I mean I have been conducting various studies and comparisons and historical observations of our Developers and Engineers as they strive for unprecedented excellence in the latest deadlines and goals.’ He then sits down and everyone claps but nobody knows why. See, if you paid attention, you realize he just told you he did nothing all week but watch others work.

Last note… I went to Fast Food today (I know, I know… it’s really bad, like eating asbestos or something, but I'm a starving Bachelor). The lady at the counter, in her best monotone robot voice, says, “will that complete your purchase?” Lady, I’m not buying stock, I’m buying a Western Bacon Cheese Burger. It was like when you call Tech support and sit on hold for an hour and then realize the hold recording is actually a person trying to talk to you. I have a dream… lets all stop trying to sound so automated.

15 comments:

chris said...

Hmm... I think i can relate to both of those points. Nothing like living and working in a cubicle farm.

Sometimes I think Dilbert is the only thing that gets me through the day. Oh yeah and that thing they give me everyonce in a while... I think they call it a 'paycheck'.

moofruot said...

lol

Don't you know? You have to procure resources with which to epitomize your synergistic entities, thus increasing work output and improving mass strategizing techniques involving numerization. The less pernicious your resource inputs, the more efficiently your entities will appropriate the proper quantifications of aforementioned synergy.

:|

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Yep, I hate all that business new-speak bullshit. Pretentious fucks. Great post.

Oh, by the way, you must have eaten at Carl's Jr.

I've been eating Western Bacon Cheesburgers for 17 years. I go with the #3.

"AG" said...

It's because they are cyborgs.

Beware.

Phil said...

What's even better is when people use a "geek word" in order to sound smart, but use it incorrectly and make themselves look incompetent to those who know. Asking someone "What's your Telnet?" is like asking "What's your mail?" (note: not "What's your address?"). Telnet is a protocol--a method of communication. It's not a tangible or identifiable item/thing. And if the guy was using that term in place of "phone number", then he's WAY out of the loop :)

LiVEwiRe said...

Um...riiiight...I had that same operator at tech support.

Lohans said...

Hahaha! Oh my god. It's so true. And Phil, totally. That is the funniest thing in the world.

Lohans said...

(Oh and by the way, LOVE The Cure, and pretty much all of the music you like, as well as the movies. Hah!)

N said...

Lol yea you are so right about those ppl.
There's this one guy I know who's in one of the courses I'm taking and he asks these questions which are extremely complex and irrelevant- and not only that, but he puts on this fake accent that makes him sound like those Harvard-educated robots you talked about! Sometimes I just want to slap him! And there's this other guy I know (unfortunately), and he called Visual Basic 'his language' (e.g. "If you code this in my language blablabla..."); like hello?! You did not invent VB! Smart-asses suck!

silhouette said...

Telnet = phone number? Wow... that's news to me. I don't think that guy knew what he was talking about.

A. R. said...

Hey, I think I know this guy and alot of his friends. I totally agree. "What's your telnet?" Give him an equally intelligent answer, like "My telnet's a pisces. What's yours?"

Janet said...

Hmmm...this is a rather perplexing conundrum. Often, I suspect, homosapiens who use grandiose verbiage are doing so to overcompensate for some sort of, je ne sais quoi. I see that you indeed, concur.:)

SunGrooveTheory said...

Uh... I agree with Janet?

; )

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