I Want To Like The Hard Way

It is amazing how everything worth doing right seems so hard. But I think the reason it turns out to be right has something to do with what you learn while it is hard.

If Your Gonna Jump You Might Want To Look Where Your Gonna Land

There is a fine line between passion and stupidity. Have you ever met someone who has the “Here is my heart please break it” approach to romance? I am a huge advocate of passionate living, fighting for meaning, living the great adventure. However, throwing oneself at everything that stirs your emotions is not the same as passionate living, at least not the way I define it.

There are times in life that require faith and huge risk. Sometimes you just have to jump in not always knowing the outcome. Decisions like this should be based on core beliefs and values. Passionate living seems to be found somewhere in knowing when to do this.

Stupidity however, is modern day dating. I can’t say I have found the perfect alternative yet, but I am trying, yes, searching for the answer. Meeting someone, leading them on, falling for them before you really know who they are and then breaking their heart when you shockingly realize it is not going to work out cannot be the best way. For one, I think it should be a crime that guys are allowed to go around breaking girl’s hearts. Yet on the other hand, the way some girls play guys is downright wicked.

Taking a relationship slow is unheard of now days. Why is trying to get to know someone before you become romantically involved so crazy? It seems to me that most people become romantically involved by the 3rd or 4th date now days if not sooner. You’re telling me you actually think you know that person after three dates! You’re crazy. Why are we surprised when two months later we feel like we had our heart ripped out by someone we thought we loved? Can you really even blame the other person… they were just being who they are. It just hurts you cause they didn't become who you thought they were. There has to be a better way…

I think the answer lies somewhere in taking it slow and actually caring about the other person whether you end up with them or not. You have to set out wanting to protect your heart and the other parties from the beginning. You actually have to be a friend and get to know them, before you charge into a romantic relationship. I have talked to guys before that recently ‘met a girl’.

Me: “So are you guys dating, are you together”.
Boy: “Well, umm, no, I don’t think so, No not yet”.
Me: “Have you kissed her yet”?
Boy: “Well yah, of course”
Me: “but you’re not together”
Boy: “Well I don’t know… but I really like her”
Me: “I bet she is starting to not like you and get a little confused!”
Boy: “Why? I really do like her.”

We need to get a clue! This is not working people, we need to try something different. I am tired of guys leading a girl on and then breaking her heart. I am tired of broken hearts. We actually need to plan a little before we jump, think a little before we pursue love. I don’t think this will steal the passion, I think it could actually enhance it. Imagine knowing someone cared about you enough to protect you before you had a romantic relationship… now that might be someone worth pursuing…

Just a thought.

The Commercial Said It Was Good For Me...

If you haven't noticed I have been on a little bit of a soap box lately about Perscription Drugs in the US. My fellow blogger Bynary sent me this link and I thought it was worth a laugh. Brought to you by the great guys over at Jib Jab.

Where Have All The Heroes Gone?

I think a hero is someone that lives for something bigger then themselves. Someone that would rather die then accept the jaded version of life that the world has to offer. I have a few modern day heroes, sometimes they are hard to notice but they are out there.

There are a couple guys at my work that have been married for a few years and I have never heard them complain about there wives. That is so rare… they are small heroes of mine.

My big sister is a hero of mine. She will be 25 in May. She is on a combat rescue team in the Air force. She flies in and bails out the marines when they are being shot at. I have seen her take down a 220-pound guy in submission fighting. She weighs 120 pounds. That is not why I think she is a hero though. She does everything she needs to do to be the best at her job she can possibly be. She is a perfect soldier yet an awesome wife. I think she could kill most people in under 15 secs, but when she is around her husband, she is an absolute girlie girl. They have spent about 8-9 months together in the three years that they have been married. Her husband has already went to Afghanistan and come back and she is scheduled for deployment. She believes in what she is doing and she has no problem dying doing it. Whether you agree with the war or not the commitment is admirable. She and her husband have both given up a lot to do something they believe in.

My big sister’s husband is in the Army. While he was in Afghanistan he started a Starbucks so the troops wouldn’t feel so far from home. They ended up making a lot of money off of the coffee so they donated all of it to children’s schools in Afghanistan. He also is in the process of completing a documentary on being in Afghanistan for a year. It starts from boot camp all the way to when they went home. Check out some of his short films from Afganistan here.

My little sister is another hero of mine. She is 20. About a year ago, she decided to go to India and teach for free. A little after she made the decision, she met a guy that was awesome. I drove down from Idaho to Cali to check this guy out and make sure he was Ok (I am the big brother I think this is part of my job). I thought he was great and they started dating and defiantly fell in love. Despite this she still followed through with her plans, she is in India right now and has about ten months left. She also believes in what she is doing and was willing to give up what she wanted at the time for something bigger then herself.

Another hero of mine is my little brother. He is 18. In the past year and a half, he spent a month in India and a month in Africa working at an aids orphanage. He saved all the money for the trips himself and is pretty sure he wants to do work like that for the rest of his life when he graduates. He has two bands and is a really skilled musician. He is only 18 yet is so focused on helping people. He is one of the least judgmental people I know. He will hang out with anyone and especially the people that are actually needy. You know the people we all avoid because they are annoying or they don’t fit our "click profile". He is only 18 yet he has caught a vision for something bigger then himself.

I couldn’t end this post without mentioning my youngest sister. She is in the middle of high school. Remember how that was, peer pressure, pure insanity, everyone trying to figure out who they are. Yet in the middle of that, she has not become jaded and lost her identity to the cool, hopeless, skeptic that is most high schoolers. Sure she has flirted with it, at times becoming jaded, but has fought back each time to a place of clarity, a place of hope.

I have a few heroes, they don’t always look like heroes but I think that is because they are fighting. Sometimes you win sometimes you loose, a hero just fights until he wins or dies.

Let's All Do Drugs II (The Drugging of Another Nation)

Hooked on heroin? Let the government pay for your fix… In a previous post, I talked about how we have become a nation hooked on a quick fix. Many times, we use Pharmaceutical Drugs to enable us to cope with an unhealthy lifestyle. Well, not only can you get pharmaceutical drugs, now, in Canada, you can get a heroin fix from the government! They have an 8 million dollar government sponsored drug pushing program running in Vancouver. There is an article about it here.

I really don’t follow the logic. I have a couple of friends that had parents that were hooked on heroin and I would have really been mad if the government was contributing to this in anyway. Is this a “if you can’t beat em, join em” kinda thing? I wonder where they’re getting the drugs? Are they redistributing drugs they took from “bad guys” or are they just buying it from Columbia like all the other criminals?

Wait! I have an idea let’s just give robbers money so they won’t want to rob banks. Or, we could buy children from Indonesia and give them to child molesters so they won’t mess with other people’s kids…

Is this a really bad idea or am I going crazy?

What Where They Thinking?

Have you ever noticed that some people are missing the part of their brain that says, ‘This is a bad idea!’. (If you don't know what I am talking about read the Darwin Awards.)

THese guys were almost Darwin material, they tried to go through one of the caves I was at this weekend. The big cave takes anywhere from 30 min to an hour depending on how well you know the way through it. Well, these guys brought a few flashlights and went in. they got lost and all their lights ended up going out. They were stuck in there for a day and a half! Luckily, someone saw there truck parked on the hill two days in a row and called the police. Search and rescue went in and bailed them out. I bet they never make that mistake again. Why not take Headlamps that last 60 hours and extra batteries...? Too much work I guess.

Some other people who went caving thought it would be a good idea to go about 80 feet underground in a small cave and then start a camp fire and consume large amounts of beer. This is no ordinary cave either, to get through it, you have to do a lot of rock climbing, and it is complicated and easy to get lost. They smoked out a couple of other cavers and they always leave all their trash in the cave. Yuck. Who planned that and actually thought it was a good idea?

There were these other guys that where trying to climb a granite wall with absolutely no climbing gear and just in case that wasn’t dangerous enough it was slightly raining. One guy broke his neck and the other stayed with him all day and all night instead of going and getting help. It dropped to about 25 degrees F. that night. Luckily, they made it through the night and where airlifted out the next day when a hiker found them. I saw them get airlifted out, they were about a half mile to a mile away from several campers. Aren't you suppossed to go for help? Aren't you suppossed to climb 700 ft cliffs with gear?

All three of these stories happened here in Idaho where I go caving and climbing. What were these people thinking…? I guess they weren’t.

These locals have nothing on these crazy guys! Check this, this and this out. Amazing, absolutely amazing.

(The links go to short videos, they are not viruses and do not contain adult content)

Playing Instructions For Adults That Forgot How…

I am sitting in my cubicle and I can’t see anything but walls. I can feel that it is a nice spring day outside but I can’t see it. I can smell it, I can even go on the web and look at a weather cam of it, yet I cannot go out and play.

Yesterday, I played football for about three hours and then went caving for about five hours. It was a beautiful day. I have told you about our football games before so I won’t bore you. But, caving is a whole new animal. Have you ever gone through such a small cave that you had to lay down and army crawl through it? How about one so tight that you get stuck and you have to actually exhale to squeeze your chest through? By the way, your birth does not count… Caving or spelunking, is really fun, it is a whole mix of rock climbing and crawling and exploring. I highly recommend it.

It is funny how there is this huge world outside our door (or cubicle) to explore and enjoy that has been traded for entertainment. Have we resorted to watching a movie of adventure and passion to feel passion, to watching life but never living it? Have we forgotten how to go outside and take delight in the world around us, or have we substituted comfort for delight?

Caving and climbing may not be your thing, but how about walking, hiking or just watching the stars. I saw a commercial on TV the other day that was telling families to go ride there bikes or play some outside games for exercise. It seems a little sad our TVs have to tell us this… Something is very wrong. Go outside and play! I know, I sound like a little kid, But, when it comes to things like this, I hope I always sound like a kid.

Lets all do Drugs! (The Drugging of a Nation)

Since society has accepted the fact that we need to be stressed out, career minded individuals that eat horribly and rarely exercise, they have also accepted that truckloads of prescription drugs need to be taken to combat the new challenges of our life style.

The top 20 Pharmaceutical Companies made over $240 billion dollars in 2000. To put that in perspective, the "War on Terror" has only cost $152 billion dollars so far. How do they make so much money? Merck a leading Pharmaceutical company made 2.2 billion dollars off of Vioxx the first year it was on the market. It was later taken off the market because it was found to be harmful (more on this below). Zoloft a leading antidepressant drug that is regularly advertised on TV made over 2.1 billion dollars in 2000. This is hard to imagine! Think of all the Tsunami victims in Indonesia, India and Sri Lanka, do you think any of them are on antidepressants since they lost everything from family members to homes and jobs? Do prescription drugs really need to be recommended to you by a cheesy commercial? I thought that was a doctor or psychiatrists job.

Whether we should be taking these pills or not seems a forgotten question? Americans are taking pills by the millions. There are a few things we should consider about the drugs that society has so freely accepted as the answer to their lifestyle. I think the question of why do others make it without them is a valid question. Another would be what do these drugs really do to me? I read in the New York Times that Vioxx was taken off the market due to complications it caused its users, then after review it was put back on the market by a FDA Committee that had 10 voters with Pharmaceutical ties! With out their votes neither Vioxx, Celebrex nor Bextra would be back on the market. Keep in mind these are all drugs that make over $2 Billion a year. After the committee voted Pfizer and Merck's stock soared. Read the article it is rather scary Here.

I understand some of these drugs are necessary and some people have valid reasons for taking them. I am more addressing the issue of a money driven industry that is supposed to be a health focused industry. We have to stop treating the symptoms and start addressing the problems. We have to stop caring about stock prices and money more then the wellbeing of the people we are supposed to be helping.

I would be scared to take these drugs. But, don't worry the government says they're fine. Doesn't a healthy diet, regular exercise and a family orientated life make more sense then a stressed out, pill filled, career driven life?

I know, I know... I'm crazy.

Searching For The Perfect Distraction

Are we all just looking for the perfect distraction? Society tells us to go to school. After school, society tells us that we will get a career that is fulfilling and causes us to be happy. Why do we believe this? If we’re not happy where were at, why kid ourselves that we will be happy when we have the 'Perfect Career'. There is only one thing that I can see as the perfect career and that is if it is the 'Perfect Distraction'. If we’re looking for a career to complete us it would have to be one hell of a distraction, it would have to consume us... because, if it didn't, when we were alone and not busy we would realize we forgot about life.

A survey in a USA Today article says only 50% of Americans are satisfied with their job and out of that 50% only 14% are very satisfied. In another survey 80% of workers say they experience stress on the job and half of those say they need help in learning how to handle it. 14% of workers have felt like striking a coworker and 25% have felt like screaming or shouting due to stress. 10% are concerned about an individual at work they fear could become violent. 9% are aware of an assault or violent act in their workplace and 18% had experienced some sort of threat or verbal intimidation in the past year.

So basically there is a 14% chance you will be really happy, an 80% chance you will be stressed out, 1 out of 4 of us is going to feel like screaming at his coworker, 1 out of 5 of us will be threatened and 1 out of 10 of us will work in fear another coworker is going to go postal. Somehow, this doesn’t sound like the makings of a life. If your job and career is all you have then good luck.

Once again, I am not saying there is anything wrong with working and school and careers. There just has to be a difference between searching for life and searching for the Perfect Distraction. There has to be a difference between having a job that is my life and having a job to support my Life.

Maybe I'm just beating a dead horse...

Wanted: A Wife That Won’t Hate Me

I have spent my very short life trying to figure out what it means to be a Man and what Life is about. I have come to some conclusions but do not claim to be any kind of expert. One thing that has become very plain to me is that I may know a little about these other subjects but I know very little about the Ladies.

I can’t seem to figure a few things out.

Girls nowadays are taught to be independent to survive on their own. Yet somehow, they are supposed to get married some day. Most women say a guy is supposed to be a leader but they are raised to not follow a leader. They are raised to survive on their own. If you lead you’re sexist if you don’t you’re spineless.

Girls are taught that they don’t need a guy. I am no supporter of the barefoot and pregnant wife in the kitchen scenario but I do believe a Girl needs a guy like a guy needs a girl. Why does a guy’s protection or provision invalidate a man and woman’s equality? I don’t think that it does but I have met many people that do.

Studies have shown that dual income families are usually loosing money or breaking even with all the extra expenses. Studies have also shown that dual income families lack a lot of necessary parenting. I don’t want daycare to raise my kids. I understand that with lots of people, they have no choice, but I am just in the planning and thinking stage. The problem is everyone says it is sexist to want a wife that stays home. On the other hand, if you let your wife work and you are a stay home dad you are also a looser. How can you win?

Studies from around the 1940’s said the biggest problems in school was chewing gum and talking now it is drugs, violent crimes, and teen pregnancy. This seems to be a direct result of the breakdown in modern day families. The biggest difference between now and then is that women work now. Once again we are faced with the dilemma, if you say women shouldn’t work you’re sexist and wrong.

I don’t get it, there has to be a balance. There has to be a way for a woman to realize that whether she is working a highly paid and respected job or staying home with kids that both jobs are just as important. Why do women feel that taking care of kids doesn’t count? I had four brothers and sisters and I think my mom had one of the hardest most respected jobs in the world.

Is independence really a value we should be teaching anyone? We are after all, people on this earth living together. The only way to improve this world seems to be through relationship and love. How does independence factor into that?

Am I saying that women shouldn’t work…? No. Am I saying women should have to rely on a man for everything…? No. I just know that I want to have a family… not an independent wife, an out of touch dad, and 2.5 independent kids. How do you do this now days without violating somebody’s rights. Why does it seem like in order to respect a woman I can't have anything to offer her?

I Love You!!!...Maybe…Kinda…Well it Depends on…

Love… Sometimes it seems like just another four letter word or a slap in the face more then a life saving, world changing idea. It is such an over used word now days. Just in case you forget to tell someone all year, there is a holiday to remind you. I’ve seen people that say they love each other act like people that hate each other. I’ve seen people use each other in the name of love. I even know people that confuse the site of a beautiful person with love. So what is love?...

I am just 23 years old; I am no expert on what love is or how to love. I am maybe writing this more for input and reflection then anything else. I realize most people like the idea of love more then the act of love. It is a glorious and popular idea, just look how many streamlined love stories are found in chick flicks. Believe me people don't watch these movies for their plotlines. People watch these movies for how they make you feel. They are like emotional crack. The idea of love is highly addictive but an act of love seems rare.

Love is a funny thing, it is not fickle like approval, it is not based on you. It is ultimately based on the lover not the loved. If the lover truly loves you unconditionally, if they are hopelessly in love with you, it is like that song, “you can do no wrong”.

Real love is to love someone whether they love you or not. It is to love them the way they always needed to be loved. Real love sets aside the idea that you have rights in a relationship. No wonder it is so rare to see real love. I think everyone likes the idea of sacrifice a whole lot more then the act.

What can fill your life with purpose and life one week; can leave you feeling empty and lifeless the next. Why is that? Have we become users rather then lovers? Have we traded a passion filled, unselfish action for an idea?

Who Thinks This Stuff Up?

I was watching a commercial for a certain unnamed fast food restaurant and a Chicken Select Strip was talking to me. It was saying something about how great it was to be a Select Strip. Does anybody else feel like their intelligence is being insulted by some of the commercials out there? If you haven’t seen that one, all I have to say is, "Money Tree" as another example and you will know what I mean.


I went to a certain sub sandwich restaurant and got a medium drink. Then I got a lid, at least I tried to get a lid. Their medium lids don’t fit their medium cups. They are like 1 mm too small. They have them clearly labled and set up, easy to get to they just dont actually go on. So a cup company sold them cups and lids that don’t match… How does this happen?


Last of all, I called Tech support for a friend, to fix his cable internet. The guy on the line had a real thick accent and immediately tried to hose me.

Me: Yah Hi, my Cable doesn’t work there is a problem with the modem.

Tech: Have you registered the modem online…

Me: Uh... No, I can’t get online, that’s the problem.

Tech: Sir, If you register the modem online it will make the call go a lot faster.

Me: Yah, see that’s the problem... I can’t get online…

Tech: Sir, Please register the modem first and then call back.

Me: Ok, I don’t think you understand, if I could get online and register it I wouldn’t be talking to you.

Tech: Sir, I need you to call back…

Me: I am not going to call back, you register modem! You should be able to do it over the phone, I am not hanging up or calling back until this works!

After that we got somewhere. I don’t get it; I don’t get how they can’t get it. Does this just happen to me?

Imagine If Lawyers Knew About This…

Every year around the Super Bowl, some friends and I get together and play flag football. We use the words ‘Flag Football’ in the loosest way possible. Last year I broke my leg and another friend broke his collarbone. Those where the bigger injuries, there were a few minor ones as well. This year was a little different, I rolled my ankle real bad, two people needed stitches on their face, one person separated some ribs, and my roommate broke his wrist. This is Flag Football mind you, imagine if we had played tackle?

Despite the apparent risks involved in the game my friends continue to show up for the three hour beating every other week (We always have a healing week in between). Some of you will say this is stupidity, and your probably right. However, I know men that have as much haircare products as most women, I know men that get pedicures, I know men that don’t know how to put oil in their own car. Is it possible that maybe men are forgeting what it means to be a man? I think men need the chance to go out and act like men. Play some football and run into each other. Get a little beat up, go climb a mountain, God forbid… beat a guy up that is mistreating a lady. We need to do something to remind ourselves of who and what we are. It may be bad for your health to be a man, your wife may not understand why you care if you can throw a snowball farther then all the other guys, Lawyers may even try to sue you if you accidentally break somebody’s leg, but does that mean you should stop being a man? Once again, never in my life have I heard of someone on their deathbed bragging about never breaking a bone or taking a risk.

I am not encouraging violence, I am encouraging life, I am telling you to take risks and be courageous. You don't have to play football to be a man, the point is to not forget you are a man. Don’t accept what the world is giving you, it's boring… and you know it.

Is There Life After The American Dream?

Have you ever overworked so you could go on vacation? How about this, ever wanted kids of your own to raise but now you find them being raised by others? If you could take a large cut in pay to do a job you loved, a job that mattered, would you do it?

In my Mission Statement I said the American Dream is a let down. It is the never-ending pursuit of more stuff, pursuing things we think will make us happy but don’t. Why is it so hard for us to buy a smaller house that doesn’t stress our budget? Is a 300 hp car really necessary? These are the things that make us a slave to our jobs. They keep us from our families and keep us from having real friendships. Remember when you were a kid and you told your friends everything? What happened to real friends? Most people I know have no time for real friends, or they won’t take the risk.

"He is no fool who gives that which he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."
Jim Elliot. Shadow of the Almighty

This quote is an inspiration to me. Simplicity seems like it could be such a huge step toward a meaningful life. I am not saying to sell everything you own. I am saying give up the things that you cannot keep, the things that really don’t matter for the things you can't loose. Give up money for friendships, fast cars and big houses for time home from work. It has to be worth it; I am convinced that it must be. We are always trying to ‘get ahead’ but once we do, we find ourselves behind again. We have to stop getting ahead and start living.

I want you to know I am not just writing this stuff. I believe this stuff. See I am the person mentioned above with the 300 hp car. I have a 2005 Subaru WRX STi, it is a $40,000 car and can do 0 – 60 in 4.6 sec stock. I bought it a year ago and am now trying to get ride of it. I want to get my bills down to a manageable level so I can work at a job that means something to me even if they cannot pay me as much as my current job. To live life with risks you have to sacrifice some things that you love. I would rather sacrifice my car and my important job then sacrifice my friends and family and ultimately my life. After all, who on their deathbed wishes they could have spent more time at work?

Pills For Everyone!

"America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar, and use it up in two weeks."

-John Barrymore (1882-1942), American actor

Stop the insanity!

Have You Done This Checklist?

It is a simple question yet has a difficult answer, it is your life. Why are you doing what you're doing? Is it because you love it? Is it because it pays the bills? Is it because society has told you it is the next thing to do? The simple decisions we make ultimately become our life. Wouldn't it be a good idea to stop every once in a while and try to figure out why you are doing what you're doing.

I know so many college students that if you ask them why they are going to school they say they don't know. They're just going because it was the next thing on the checklist. The checklist of life, go to school, go to college, get a good job, get married, have kids, survive, retire and then die. There is nothing wrong with the checklist, but the checklist is not life. Just because you made it from step 2 to step 3 doesn't mean you are living. I feel so bad for the college students that commit there life to making it through school and working and sacrificing and when they get out they think they are going to have life. Life is now... Not when you get out of school, not when you get married. The choices you make now determine the life you will live. If you don't determine to live in the moment, if there is not purpose and life in what you are doing now, what makes you think there will be later?

Vision, it is so hard to find now days. Someone that has vision for their life. Someone that wants to serve a purpose bigger then themselves. Someone that is not content with the checklist. I know that I'm being idealistic but who wants to be the statues quo? To live a life of vision is to live the great adventure. To take risks, the risk of real relationships and friendships, the risk of doing your own thing rather then follow the footsteps of your family, the risk of committing your life to something greater then yourself. These risks are necessary, they don't always work out, that is why they are called risks. Sometimes your friends will hurt you, sometimes you die when you fight for something greater then yourself, but those that do are always remembered as heroes, people who truly lived, people who truly believed in what they were doing. What are you living for?

Cure For The Common Blogspot Awards

I hope this posting is appreciated, it took a vast (and by vast I mean lots of clicking the next button) amount of research. I’m new to the blogging world so I thought I would take a look at what is out there.

After reading far too many blogs (and yes I leave comments) I have realized that the blogging community is missing a few things. More specifically, they are missing awards for the truly different blogs. You know the ones that stand out. I understand there are tons of ‘Best of Blog’ awards but we are missing awards for the blogs that scream, “Look at Me I’m Different’ (Different does not always mean good… just different)

In order to remedy this grave injustice I have initiated the first ever Cure for the Common Blogspot Awards. There are currently only five categories and a few nominations but the comments section will be open for further nominations and categories based on the approval of the Cure (This is not a Democracy). So without further ado I present to you the belated Cure for the Common Blogspot Awards of 2004, categories and nominations.

Blogs I Don’t Get Award
1. Multiple Languages, Gas Masks, and Guitars… You won’t forget it! Pimme.
2. Would you call yourself a ‘She weevil’? She Weevil.
3. A Crazy Wife, a Cow… Is this a Gateway Commercial? I Have a Crazy Wife.

Blogs That Scare Me Award
1. She says it is Ok because it is Art? Something About Noodles.
2. The name says it all… Bitchalicious.
3. Perfect blend of crazy… then why am I so scared? Perfect Blend of Crazy.

Craziest Title Picture Award
1. Did a steak ever look so unappetizing? Daves Big Beef.
2. Mom Says Dad taught him that… Jersey Humor.
3. With a picture like that you have to get nominated for more then one award Perfect Blend of Crazy.

Most Unnecessary Blog Award
1. Reality TV should never actually make it to reality… The Apprentice Boardroom.
2. Why, all I can say is Why? They're just donuts! Dunkin Doughnuts.

Most Out of Date Blog award
1. Our country is at war…they got that right…just a little behind the times CW Chronicles.

Disclaimer: Please remember this is all in good fun. If you have any nominations or catagories of your own please leave a comment. If there is one you would vote for let me know.

If You Think You’re Smart Don’t Read This

Why do smart people talk like Harvard educated robots? Ok, so not all smart people, not even the majority, but some people do. They have their own words, sometimes I even think language. It always seems like they are just saying these words to prove their intelligence. If they’re so smart, why do they need to prove anything to us dumb people?
I had this guy (computer guy) ask me what my Telnet was today. I was like, Telnet? Come on! Who says Telnet? It’s called a phone number. Telnet… Phone Number... it really isn’t that much harder to say. If you’re a regular person, it's ‘Phone Number’ if you’re 14 and in school covered with zits and hitting on a girl, it's ‘Digits’. I want to know who really thought it was necessary to come up with another term so computer geeks could sound geekier… (Geekier? I’m not sure that's a word).

You will notice a lot of this wordiness/self-promotion happening at staff meeting when the boss asks ‘What are you guys working on this week?’ Sure enough some guy stands up and says ‘Well I have been working on the latest drops of the Firmware and Software to make sure they can cohabitate and compile correctly, and by that, I mean I have been conducting various studies and comparisons and historical observations of our Developers and Engineers as they strive for unprecedented excellence in the latest deadlines and goals.’ He then sits down and everyone claps but nobody knows why. See, if you paid attention, you realize he just told you he did nothing all week but watch others work.

Last note… I went to Fast Food today (I know, I know… it’s really bad, like eating asbestos or something, but I'm a starving Bachelor). The lady at the counter, in her best monotone robot voice, says, “will that complete your purchase?” Lady, I’m not buying stock, I’m buying a Western Bacon Cheese Burger. It was like when you call Tech support and sit on hold for an hour and then realize the hold recording is actually a person trying to talk to you. I have a dream… lets all stop trying to sound so automated.

The Fastest Sub Maker in the Known World - A Tribute to Hurricane Sally

Hurricane Sally can make a sub sandwich faster then you can say pickles, mayonnaise, and hold the mustard. I don’t know how this is possible since she has to actually hear what you want, to make the sandwich. Yes, she defiantly has skills… that is, if making a disaster of a sandwich faster than anyone is a skill. I always cringe when I get her. Like the time I ordered a BLT and had no B, that is bacon, or the time I ordered a toasted sub and she forgot it in the toaster. Everyone else cuts the bread, but no, Sally rips the bread. If you’re on a diet don’t worry, if you ask for mayo you get a dot. If you ask for extra mayo you get two dots and a rushed dirty look. She is really stingy with the olives… she gives you 7, but then when she is wrapping the sub 4 always fall out. Even wrapping doesn’t quite work out. Have you ever noticed that no matter how you unwrap a sub it always ends up upside-down? Maybe it’s just Sally. The amazing thing about Sally is she has one speed and one speed only Too FAST! Even if there is nobody in line she is buzzing. I know I am complaining but it is hard when you unwrap your sub sandwich and it resembles scrambled eggs more than a sandwich. I know what you're thinking… why don’t I complain to the manager. I honestly don’t have the heart. See Sally is probably 50 years old, on caffeine pills and 6 shots of Starbucks blast off blend. I heard a rumor she just got her Pacemaker replaced… I’m not joking, maybe they should turn that thing down…

My Mission Statement says the definition of insanity is to continue to do the same thing expecting different results. I have accepted Sally is not going to change and I thought to avoid insanity I would write a tribute to a truly fast sandwich maker. So this is to you Sally… May your days be filled with speediness and may you get into the Guinness Book of World Records. Cheers.

A Very (Valentines) Bad Advice Column

Valentines Day...

The day everyone tries to tell me to "enjoy it while you’re single". Trouble is they didn't enjoy it when they were single.

That is the trouble with advice. Everyone knows lots of it except when they needed it.

Here is some absolutely unqualified advice for all you lovers since I have nothing better to do.

If you are just now realizing today is Valentines Day then go for Spontaneous. Some girls have not yet realized that Spontaneous is just a code word for ‘I didn’t plan anything special’.

If you have been planning for a while please, Please, do something romantic and unexpected, If you are lucky enough to have a girl, knock her socks off!, surprise her, skip the chocolate and roses and do something creative (ok, maybe not the chocolate).

Last piece of advice… If you are a girl and you’re reading this and your guy decides to do something Spontaneous… Give Him a break, and don't tell him I rat-ed him out.